you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize