Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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