Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I see more hoeing in ur future
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