Whod you bang
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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