On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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