i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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