you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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