This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize