I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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