Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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