During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
