apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
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He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
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I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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