My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize