There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
