doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
