I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
