i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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