This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
