I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
