somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
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You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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