Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
