RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
