The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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