I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The struggles of a small town man whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize