dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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