I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
