okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
