Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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