a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
