weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
