Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
