You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm passing your future prison.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
