i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
