i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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