I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
