Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
