did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
