I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
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Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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