Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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