The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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