hell yes lets make some ravioli
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
