My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
