Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
