epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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