the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
