i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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