Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
