They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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