Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
