margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My sheets look like a crime scene.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
