I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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