A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
