just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
