peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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