It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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