i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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