Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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