I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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