there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
