Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
