he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
